Changes

Change is my favorite thing and what I fear most. If I’m walking down the street and I find a penny, I smile because I find these simple, typically unwanted pieces of copper beautiful. On the days that I feel defeated and pretty worthless (as most people find pennies), somehow the change that people have lost or neglected on the ground crosses my path. For some reason this small finding always reminds me how BIG our God is and how much He loves me.

The kind of change that shakes my world and forces me out of my comfort zone isn’t my favorite, however. I fear it as it requires sacrifice and the bravery to give up the familiar and accept new things. From experience, change has caused me to lose things that I cherish so dearly. It demands that my loss be replaced with something new and often so challenging that I just want to crawl into bed in hopes that they disappear. I’m just not good with change, as I find myself investing and giving my all to the now and then change comes and takes away that which took me so long to get used to.

As I’m in the midst of one of the biggest transitions in my life with graduation day a mere week away, you can say I am a bit more than fearful. Change has already moved in and become an unwelcomed visitor. My college classes are wrapping up, friendships are shifting, and the unknown has become all too familiar of a concept in my life. I can confidently say that I’m not ready for this change. I’m not ready to let go of this sweet time that I have been given to expand my knowledge, to meet the kindest and loving of people, and grow so abundantly in my faith. It certainly wasn’t always easy or glamorous, but I’m so incredibly humbled and thankful for every heart I was able to know and every opportunity I was given these last couple of years; I’m sad to let it go. Because letting go is hard. It requires the strength and bravery to cut the ties or trim away something so comfortable and familiar so that the possibility of something bigger and ultimately better can take its place. It requires a lot of faith–faith in myself to have the courage to embrace what’s new with open arms until it creeps into my innermost being and forces me to live with it. It requires more faith to trust in my loving and powerful God, though. Trusting that His plans are so much greater than my own, that everything he gives me—and takes away—has a purpose. All while having the faith that through it all, He would be with me every step of the way to celebrate the victories and comfort me in the hardships and biggest disappointments.

Perhaps it’s time to let go today. Let go of the negative feelings building up inside of me so that they can be replaced with truth, grace, and peace. Let go of the lies that I am not good or worthy enough. Let go of the words I have been yearning to share but was never brave enough to admit; words that may need to be spoken and heard. Let go of the past in order to fully be present in the future. Let go of the distractions that have been keeping me from loving more deeply and fulfilling my purpose. Let go of all these worldly things so that I can put all of my strength and energy in holding on to the One who never stops holding on to me.

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!” Psalms 27:13-14

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